16 posts tagged “match”

he signed up for 6-months and was on maybe 3 weeks at the time of our first meeting. last weekend he asked, "re:Ignite, what should i do about this membership... i have almost 5 more months to go and it's been a real pain logging into it now that i like you."

"that's up to you, Kiwi", i said, "do with it what you will but if you meet someone else you're interested in, just please do me the courtesy of letting me know so i know how much of myself to invest in this." also, i was thinking about using it as leverage the next time he comes begging and pleading "bloody hell!  girl, i want your hot n3kkid self so bad!" b/c then i could laugh mercilessly and walk away, tossing over my shoulder "i no bother with ppl who are still advertising themselves!"

being the sneaky sleuth, sometimes i look up his profile to see how long it's been since he's logged in, etc (don't judge, b/c you'd do it too! :).. and today, the site returned the following:

kiwi MIA from match

yes!

I WIN. 

last night i had the worst date in recent memory. Mr. Aqua (aka Doctor #2/The Cardiologist) and i met after work for drinks at a restaurant in downtown mountain view that was listed on his match.com profile as one of his 'fave' places. honestly, this place kind of blows but it has a relatively lively night scene but you can be sure i wasn't expecting him to be a foodie or know what the hell foie gras is.

for some reason this guy hated me from the get-go. he didn't like me before i even opened my mouth, proving just b/c you hold an MD and are on match.com doesn't mean you're open-minded to meeting new ppl.  maybe he was disappointed with my appearance, maybe i wasn't 'what he expected' but come on -- you and i both know i am so much more than my profile. it was clear he was uncomfortable and i detected he lacked confidence (or that was my interpretation of his squeamishness). furthermore, the fact that he wasn't nearly as good-looking in person as his online visual representations bugged me; he was short, awkwardly thin with slumped shoulders and his face was far from symmetrical. i was a victim of FALSE ONLINE ADVERTISING! i know my male equilavent and this guy certainly nowhere close to hitting the mark.  him being unattractive wasn't the worst part though; i'm not so shallow that i'm incapable of looking past the features belonging to someone who hasn't won the genetic lottery -- the worst part was that he had no personality to speak of. he also kept looking at me as if i were a piranha or there was shit on my face ---  obviously, something about me absolutely repulsed him.  i ordered a malbec/cabernet blend and after i suggested a few times he get himself something other than fucking water, he asked the server for an iced tea. "oh, and i want the sweetened kind" he said. "i'm sorry, sir", the man replied, "we don't have sweetened tea." "oh" lame-date said, "what kind do you have?"  ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME? the waiter just told you they don't have sweetened iced tea, what else could there be but... UNSWEETENED ICED TEA? it's called a fucking sugar packet, don't shy away from them. there are two types of ppl i have trouble trusting: ppl who don't drink and ppl who refuse to use tampons. this guy fell into both categories b/c he was such a bitch that i concluded his period must be due.

i wanted to run, honestly, but being situated at a patio table right by the front door doesn't give you many escape route options. the fire exit was a possiblity except the alarm going off might draw too much attention. so i excused myself and went to the restroom where i proceeded to txt message my trainer (who happens to live in an apt complex right next to the restaurant and he suggested i give him a call if i needed to be bailed out) to inform him how horrible the date was going. the ray of light was douchebag needed to leave at 8pm to make it to SF for some dinner and by this time i had only half an hour to go after making it through a very painful 45-ish minutes. my phone beeped and hooray! it was a msg from a dear friend asking if i was interested in joining her at SINO in santana row for dinner/drinks.

Fuck.
Yeah.

i was probably in the restroom longer than acceptable; my hope being it was ample time to lead douchebag into thinking i succumbed to diarrhea, giving him several opportunities to leave -- no such luck. he was still there when i tried to make my escape so i had no choice but to sit down and ask whether he minded if we cut our time short as an invite to join friends in san jose just came in (this was the truth, anyway). i was determined not to waste my friday on some dullard's account. without even having made it through half my one glass of wine, i asked for the check and threw out my credit card the same he reached for his. "should we split this?" i inquired testingly. "if you don't mind" he said. we only had appetizers, one glass of wine and one iced-tea-made-for-tards so the bill came to only $32. UGH, this dude was unbelievable... even assholes are willing to foot such a small bill, if only get the fuck away from a chick asap. it bothered me, the fact i was wasting my time with an unattractive 29-year old who looked 40, was lacking personality and to top if off, didn't know the first thing about being a gentleman. if you are ugly inside and out, at least be funny, rich or generous for fuck's sake. or have a large penis; i think this guy might have sold his while in med school for a year's supply of raspberry iced tea.

Mr. Aqua doesn't even deserve a spot in the K.O. section of my XLS!

the rest of the evening was spent at SINO with friends, drinking watermelon mojitos and flirting with Jerry Rice, who happened to be at the next table. So it wasn't a complete waste of a friday night...

i suspect i'm becoming infatuated with Cute Kiwi. even my trainer can see it. but come on, isn't he a cutie-patootie (pic viewable by neighborhood only).

trainer: so how was the date last night?
reIgnite: oh, you mean with hula guy? it was nice, we had drinks and he stayed longer than he planned to. it was fun.
trainer: ahh.... /waves hand dismissively/ you're not into it!
reIgnite: what do you mean? he was very nice, i think he's a great guy, actually.
trainer: you like the new zealand guy, that's the 'big date' coming up. you may as well cancel the date tonight with the doctor...
reIgnite: what the...
trainer: what, you think i'm deaf or something? you're putting all your bets on new zealand...

so i've been listening to this 'private universe' ditty through the week b/c it's so pretty and hearing it has a calming effect on me (read: it keeps me from setting docs on fire!). after he apologized for speeding off like a dumb-ass, i suggested we meet an hour before our next dinner (he proposed dinner, btw) so i'll have plenty of time to scare him off permanently by telling him off-color, crass jokes and he wrote back that he enjoys my jokes, so i'll have to try harder to get rid of him. hrm.... i replied, ok -- i'm up for a challenge here! let's go antique or furniture shopping, maybe specfically for WHITE WICKER FURNITURE. i know how men just loooooove white wicker furniture. thinking i'd won the war after not hearing from him last night, my triumphant victory was squashed when he replied this morning: "Happy Friday! I am really looking forward to seeing you even if I have to put up with antique shopping for white wicker furniture! Actually, why don't we meet even earlier and throw a good measure of shoe shopping :P.  To let you in on a little secret, I actually quite like shopping with women (especially if they let me in the changing room ;))... "
 
ooh, so excited that i'm making myself nauseous. this seems to be happening quite frequently though (a bit too much, IMO)... someone slap me, quick.

Cute Kiwi and i have been emailing back and forth since sunday. he confessed to having felt like a real dumb-ass for speeding off and hence, why he txted me once he got home. it turns out (and i only vaguely remember this) that when he gave me the kiwi doll, i (in my sexy, drunken state) joked "wow, this is really sweet... if you ever wanted to get laid quickly, this is the way to do it...give a girl a bird doll."

oops. yeah. i probably shouldn't have said that... but at the time, i thought it'd be funny! i have to remember that Cute Kiwi occasionally still struggles with "getting" american humour and sarcasm.

then he sent me a pic he found of himself taken a few years ago before he attended the emmy's. in it, on his cheek were the words "i love c0ck" and an image of a p3nis his friends drew while he was sleeping. haha, LUV IT.

then he asked me out for this upcoming sunday and i responded back....

Resp

the date with Cute Kiwi went extremely well, imo. we met for early evening drinks (around 5pm) and he drove all the way from SF to mtn view for our meeting. we decided to do dinner (he insisted on paying for the drinks and dinner), then went to another restaurant for late night drinks. we basically closed the next restaurant/bar down and when he drove me to my vehicle, he gave me a stuffed kiwi doll as a gift. it was past 11pm by the time we called it a night.

he was also absolutely gorgeous. i thought to myself a few times, "this guy is way out of my league." that does NOT happen often...

then it all fell apart. when we got to my car, we hugged awkwardly and he sped away.

/sigh/ boys are weird.

====

update: he just txted "i had a fantastic time, thanks for meeting. i feel embarrassed about the kiwi."

mmmm... i still don't get it. am i dense?

====

update #2: i sent an email almost right after getting home to tell him i had a great time and if he ever wants to hang out again or have dinner/drinks that he knows where to find me... he responded "i would love to hang out again! sweet dreams"

this is good news... i think....????

you never know with these friggin' match.com ppl tho... bizarre. 

then i took my profile down.  

maybe the rules of dating have been revised for '08 but the last time i checked, if a guy was really into you he'd ask you out for a 2nd/follow up date/meeting shortly after the first.

after having drinks on friday, boy35 asked me to let him know that i got back home safe (since i had 2 drinks on an empty stomach).

i txted him that evening:
"ok, am home now, had a good time; thanks for the prints, that was a really nice gesture."

he txted back:
"thank you! i had a good time too -- let's do it again soon when we have more time! share the prints with your halau!"

on sunday while goofing around on match.com, i sent him a silly message (come on, i thought it was funny!):
"So I normally don't do this but the other day someone told me that a guy on match.com receives on average 10 female-intiated emails a month. Based on that new information and after seeing your awesome tabasco pic, I figured I'd write to say 'Hi' and that I think you have a mighty swell profile.

--RE:Ignite

P.S. - You look a tad familiar though, can't quite put my finger on why..."

and he wrote back:
"hahaha - I receive 10 a month?! Hell, someone must be high-jacking my account then.

I do have to say, you look a tad familiar too. I ran into a girl in MV once. She was hot in every which way you can interpret the word. She was fanning herself and everything. I was a bit flattered at first, then I realized the venue lacked AC and/or air circulation.

--Boy35"

hrm... i read that a few times and didn't have a witty enough response, so am leaving it alone for now. /shrug/

in sambar news --- he has an appt with my massage therapist tomorrow, a gift from me for his recent bday. it's only fair since he was stuck with footing the dinner bill on the evening of his special day, haha!

ugh, just got a txt msg and seriously, i groaned when hearing the alert. b/c of VCGuy, i no longer look forward to reading my txt msgs anymore b/c he is FLOODING ME with random shit :(. and yup... it's from VCGuy! txting to tell me he fell off his deck and is in a waiting room to see the dr. to have an MRI. wow...

boys are weird!

= = = = =

UPDATE:  

boy35 just sent this and the misuse of (or lack of) punctuation made me cringe :(

"hey - whats happening this weekend? we might head to a lounge in the city if youre game....but I know how you peninsula peeps keep it local ha"

... is how to hold a camera phone steady and center a shot.

sambar was unavailable so lookee what i did with the anesthesiologist instead! this photo accurately depicts my attitude towards the recent flurry of boys around which is pretty much "let's focus on me."

circulating through the dating scene is getting old quickly. the going out (and drinking) nearly every night, constantly making plans over txt msg/email, trying to keep up the chaos on match.com is starting to feel like a lot of WORK. i'm also sick of fixing my damn manicure every other day and putting on 'cute' outfits 4 or 5 times a week. if i see the words "happy hour" again i might be compelled to throw my computer out of a window.

seriously, if i could describe my perfect lazy day it'd involve waking up around 9am, going to the gym for 1.5 hours (and not rushing to leave!), showering with minty shampoo, having coffee while listening to ambient music and flipping through an issue of DOMINO or PSYCHOLOGY TODAY, going out to brunch, doing some clothes/antique/furniture window shopping, browsing a bookstore and having takeout for dinner while watching a recent indie or foreign dvd release. it sounds so easy, doesn't it?

the one question that brought me great joy this weekend was when sambar asked after our last sunday brunch, "do you want to watch a dvd with me?"

ahh, simple pleasures. i miss 'em.

• voluntarily switched from treo 750 running winMobile to a red blackberry curve 8310 without realizing the change requires an alternate data plan (same rate) until after the fact. oops. at least the device ran me only $20.
• met the anesthesiologist, we stayed out for 4.5 hours. i had to link his title to wikipedia b/c many years ago when i was in molecular bio someone mentioned ppl in that sector make buku bucks and the site confirms it so now i can be that obnocious person at dinner parties who scoffs whenever another obnoxious person distastefully talks about how much so-and-so's salary is.  the guy should've bought my @ss an emerald cut diamond instead of drinks and sopes, haha! kidding.  anyway, we agreed to bite the bullet and meet w/o holding a phone convo since i've been on stupid match.com for almost 3 months and haven't bothered to see anyone in person. what they heck, let's go for it, we figured. the 'date' went fine and while i don't think there was much physical chemistry, it certainly wasn't lacking in mental/brain chemistry. the smartass added me to be FB and is requesting a 're-match' soon.
• went out with another guy later in the week with the intention of keeping it platonic. BIG MISTAKE on my part, he kept rubbing my arms/shoulders and calling me 'sweetie'. if there's anything the male species can take away from reading my estrogen-fueled pink-template site, it's to remember this: PAY ATTENTION TO BODY LANGUAGE!!! if a girl is fidgety (legs wiggling under the table, fingers drumming atop it), shrinks away whenever you reach out for her and crosses her arms when you inch your way into her 3-foot comfort zone, DO NOT try to kiss her on the lips at the end of the night. bleh!!!!! AND when she says "you're not ready for this; I'M not ready for this!", don't attempt to contradict or convince her otherwise.
• inspired by superwoman cyn, hired a personal trainer and had my first 2 sessions.  after the first day, muscles in my @ss i didn't know exist were aching. he gave me a meal plan and wants me to work on consuming 1,800 calories on days we do weights (2x a week), 1,400 on 'off' days. hrm, i wonder how many calories are in chicken karaage... probably too many *sniff* 
• this week's SYTYCD routine with joshua and katee was tremendous on so many levels. seriously, i've watched that dance at LEAST 20 times on my dvr box and youtube these past couple days and it still gives me chills. it single-handedly convinced me to name my first-born joshua (even if it's a girl). lately i've been asked quite often what is it i'm looking for in a relationship and internet, allow me to give you a glimpse of the scene which will forever play itself over and over again from this day forth within the confines of my brain's right hemisphere when that question is asked of me. this clip, this routine, this emotion and energy, this is what i'm searching for.  the next time i fall in love it will match the ardour, depth, intensity and parternship of this dance --- i'll go big, i'll go bold and i'll go f*cking balls out against the wall.
  
  SYTYCD - Katee & Joshua
   ======

"if i should die
before i wake
it's 'cause you took
my breath away
losing you is like living
in a world with no air"

i've been off match.com for over a month and since i'm staying at home today while being sick as a dog, i decided to log onto the site to read emails. there were a few quite witty ones from cute boys (well, cute based on the pics posted) so i made an effort to write a few back. who knows if i'll get anything back in return since some of those were sent more than 4 weeks ago, haha!

while perusing through the site, i found this jordanDumbNut job (pic viewable by neighborhood only) who emailed me maybe 3 or 4 times. looking at his profile i noticed something ODDLY FAMILIAR about it.  the dumbass did a straight COPY AND PASTE OF MY PROFILE DESCRIPTION ONTO HIS VERY OWN!  moron!!!  he either thought my description was the sh*t and is trying to pass it off as his own OR he was trying to save it into a doc or something and inadvertently pasted it into the web browser--- and saved changes.

of course i sent him a scathing email to ask he stop this plagiarism and that unoriginality is very unsexy. well, i used the word "disgusting" instead, hopefully he'll get the point?

===

UPDATE: omg, he responded back to my WTF email inquiring why the hell he was compelled to copy my profile, verbatim.

"I just want to say sorry. I just looked at your profile and it does look like yours. My field put this profile up for me and I supplied the pics. That's the honest truth. I didn't give him much to work with, but its about the same thing I would of said, but in his own words. I am trully sorry and would like to start over. Let me know if I can make of up by taking you out to dinner. Anywhere you like. I will have him change the profile today. "

 

freak!!!! i wrote back (and blocked him aftewards):

are you serious? or kidding? because I'm NOT laughing!!! to be blunt, you are either a LIAR or an idiot who is somehow able to still function with your last braincell and your reply has just lead me to conclude you fall into BOTH categories. i've received TWO form emails from you in the past month and how is it that you claim to not have the time to write your own PROFILE yet you're able to log into this website and respond to my email?

and no, i will not have dinner with you because i refuse to waste my time with liars incapable of articulating themselves.  this is YOUR OWN profile, it's so unattractive when a guy can't make the effort to let his personality shine through on this site.

 

block!