Which seemed pretty odd, considering that I'm wearing my biggest size ever. But maybe it was fat vs muscle (lost muscle, gained fat = gained size but lost weight).
So I stepped on the scale again.
And gained back 10 of those 20 lbs
And stepped on the scale again
And gained back the other 10 of 20 lbs
And stepped on the scale again
And it stayed where it was.
Dammnnnit.
I was just looking up lapband info cause I have a theory that most of the gastric bypass stuff works, largely, not by causing satisfaction but by causing negative effects from eating too much. Primarily nausea, heartburn, and vomiting. Those aren't intake deterrents to me. In fact, most of the time they're triggers to each starchy foods to calm down my stomach.
Truly, truly, truly, the only time I've EVER experienced satisfaction with food was when I was on Fen/Phen. Not the speed part (I didn't take that one), just the pondamin (fenfluramine). Within a day or 2 of starting those pills, I had a totally different relationship with food. I suddenly understood how "normal" people look at food. I could eat a bite, be content, and then stop. It was a revelation!!
Whatever that chemical was, I have NONE of it in me naturally. I know it's totally dangerous and causes heart valve problems but, no joke, if I could find it I'd still take it. I mean, heart risk vs obesity risk vs risk from gastric surgeries? All comes out pretty even to me.
Not that this has anything to do with anything, it was just on my mind. As I sit here with heartburn. Contemplating my morbid obesity and bad knees and what the hell I'm gonna do with myself in 2010.
Lydia does not have many marvellous things to write about in comparison with other countries, except for the gold dust that is carried down from Mount Tmolus.
- Herodotus, The History, 1.93
http://www.fleur-de-coin.com/articles/oldestcoin.asp
As I recline, hopefully recuperating, my mind has turned to indulgences, and my selling therein of. For those of you late to St Flamingo Dancer flock, my New Year’s intention is to bestow upon myself sainthood. I am so wonderful, already a goddess, that it is a natural extension of my fabulosity.
I am also in it for the money. I shall sell indulgences. Not the kind of indulgence that gets you a good after life, or anything of that nature, for that side of the market is already taken. No, I shall sell indulgences that perpetuates happiness in this world, and revenge upon those who wrong against my “clients”.
I thought about what currency I should use, and thought about the Electrum Stater Of Miletos or the tripodes", "axes" or "skewers" of the pre-Numismatic Age, but eventually I arrived at the conclusion that Herodotus, sometimes, was right and so I shall use gold dust as my currency of exchange.
So I am thinking of setting the base rate of 14 grams of gold dust per smiting of employers, mothers in law and generally anyone who gets in your way in the supermarket. I set a lower price for smiting as I gain a certain large degree of pleasure from it myself!
28 grams of gold dust for the general sending of plagues and boils upon the person who annoys from the neighboring work cubicle, former university friends who now have 1. better jobs, 2. more money, 3. beautiful partners, or 4. has had cosmetic surgery though pretends otherwise.
32 grams will get you traffic free highways on the commute to work, no waiting in line for doctors, at banks, government departments, or checkouts, and wait, there’s more - no grey hair. In the case of the gentleman, you will be granted hair that remains on your head and never on your ears, but it may be grey. 32 grams of gold dust only goes so far!
The big stuff, a gold bar, will get you three wishes, as long as you remember your place and don’t expect to rise above me, as my fabulosity will not be undone!
Other indulgences upon request. Price non negotiable, no guarantees or warranties. Non returnable. Responsibility and risk upon the requester.
An indulgence, in Catholic Theology, is the full or partial remission of temporal punishment due for sins which have already been forgiven. The indulgence is granted by the church after the sinner has confessed and received absolution. The belief is that indulgences draw on the Treasure House of Merit accumulated by Jesus' sacrifice and the virtues and penances of the saints. They are granted for specific good works and prayers.
Indulgences replaced the severe penances of the early Church. More exactly, they replaced the shortening of those penances that was allowed at the intercession of those imprisoned and those awaiting martyrdom for the faith.
Abuses in granting indulgences were a major point of contention when Martin Luther initiated the Protestant Reformation (1517).
Definitions of colonoscopy on the Web:
- visual examination of the colon (with a colonoscope) from the cecum to the rectum; requires sedation
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn - colonoscope - an elongated fiberoptic endoscope for examining the entire colon from cecum to rectum
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn - colonoscope - a flexible fibreoptic endoscope used to examine the colon and obtain tissue samples
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/colonoscope - Examination of the entire colon with an optic fiber tube inserted through the anus and rectum.
aspirus.org/aboutAspirus/index.cfm - a test that uses a long, flexible tube with a light and camera lens at the end (colonoscope) to examine inside the large intestine.
www.childrenscentralcal.org/HealthE/P03012/Pages/P03011.aspx - A procedure in which a long flexible viewing tube (a colonoscope) is threaded up through the rectum for the purpose of inspecting the entire colon and rectum and, if there is an abnormality, taking a biopsy of it or removing it. ...
www.medicinenet.com/virtual_colonoscopy/glossary.htm - Examination of the interior of the colon using a flexible viewing instrument.
www.everydayhealth.com/gerd/understanding/glossary.aspx - a diagnostic procedure in which a flexible tube with a light source in inserted into the colon (large intestine or large bowel) through the anus to view all sections of the colon for abnormalities.
www.womenshealthzone.net/glossary/c/ - colonoscope - A thin, lighted tube used to examine the inside of the colon.
www.pbs.org/secondopinion/episodes/coloncancer/medicalglossary/story283.html - colonoscope - The long flexible lighted instrument used for performing Colonoscopy.
www.ostomy.evansville.net/terms.htm - colonoscope - Flexible, elongated tube that can be inserted through the anus allowing the inside of the colon to be seen.
www.hollister.com/anz/ostomy/resource/glossary.html - (col-un-AH-skuh-pee) examination of the colon with a long, flexible, lighted tube called a colonoscope. The doctor can look for polyps during the exam and even remove them using a wire loop passed through the colonoscope.
www.mesothelioma-line.com/articles/glossary/ - An examination of the large intestine utilizing a long lighted fiberoptic or video scope.
www.ostomy.evansville.net/terms.htm - Visualization of the lining of the anus, rectum and colon through a rigid proctosigmoidoscope or a flexible fiber optic endoscope (types of viewing tubes). This procedure allows diagnosis of tumors and inflammatory diseases.
www.abbottdiagnostics.com/Glossary/index.cfm - Procedure that allows inspection and tissue sampling of the rectum and large intestine by inserting a flexible tube with an attached camera through the rectum.
www.barrx.com/Patients_and_Families/index.cfm/55
HAPPY NEW YEAR - I think not! I was gong to say that I am really pissed off, but under the circumstances that might not be qute the right descripton!
You're invited to our Coffee and Dessert Social. January 6th from 7:00 pm - 9:30pm. Enjoy an Evening of Art Festivities. Please RSVP to contactus@laafa.org or call 818.708.9232.
Only because I'm going to a funeral at 2pm. But I'll take it.
I apparently decided, without thinking about it, to use the time between Xmas & whatever day we go back to work in 2010 (I don't have all that time off, that's just the timeframe) to kick my dependency on sleep aids (primarily Xanax). So far, it's not going well. Didn't matter on the holiday nights but last night, tossing and turning till well past 4am (and resuming at 7am), completely sucked. I'm hoping I'll be so exhausted tonight that I'll just conk out. More likely: I'll end up napping around 7p and tossing & turning when I go to bed.
I am sooooo glad I'm not traveling by air this week. As always, one person is a retard and everyone - all over the world - pays for it. Even though that one person's action proved that all the screening insanity DOESN'T WORK. Evil doers will always find a way to do evil.
I watched 3 more episodes of MadMen (season1) last night. I wanted to watch Extras but I couldn't find the DVDs. During my night of tossing & turning, their MIA location finally dawned on me (table in the dining room, under the curtain that's currently draped over the table (there's other stuff on top of the curtain)).
I never got as far as housecleaning. That sucks. I really really really need to vacuum the carpets and mop the floors. I haven't bothered to look for a new cleaning service yet. And I also haven't called the old one to get my key back.
Okaaaaay... time to shower and get dressed. I don't need to leave here till around 1pm but if I put it off any longer, I'll probably lose track of time.
For the New Year, I am going to grant myself sainthood - Saint Flamingo Dancer the Wonderful - and throw a bit of fabulosity about the world. I will also sell indulgences for financial gain (mine). Stay tuned for price lists.
wonderful christmas eve dinner with family and friends!
awesome way to end off the year 2009!
merissa.
x
Someone may have awoken in the early dark hours of Christmas Day feeling somewhat ill. Sadly it was not from any excess of Christmas Eve festivities, though we had eaten brandy soaked chocolate cherry cake for dessert and downed several cocktails.No, the hostess with the very mostess went down with boring old diverticulitis, so the mission for the day was not to let anoyone else know. I battled through lunch anvd the afternoon. I even allowed Neice aged 4 1/2 to paint my fingernails and toenails with nail polish. I am a fantastic great aunt, naturally.
I got to about 6pm and everyone had drinkies and I set The Boy to carving more ham for a dinner when I found a quiet corner on the floor and fell asleep. At this stage I had confided to Daughter2 that I was ill and instructed her to remove my nail polish should I die in the night, as I would prefer not to go into eternity attired so.
About 2 hours later apparently I was still asleep and Daughter2 was making noises about me being really tired to cover for me, when someone joked that "maybe she dead!" Ha Ha Ha.
This is when Daughter2's FD genes showed to their best. D2, knowing that I was actually sick, thought "what if she really is dead? What if we are one of those horrible famillies who joke about someone dying on Christmas Day and they really are lying there dead? Will we be all over the papers tomorrow morning? Should I go and check? No, I don't want to go near dead people." So, she just went on enjoyng the evening! I could have actually died and no one, not even the fruit of my own womb, would have cared. Revenge will be sweet.
I did rise from the dead, with everyone joking about how they thought I might be dead. I remember muttering a reply along the lines "did anyone attempt the kiss of life on me, or draw a moustache on my face? Ha Ha Ha" , and wandered off to bed, letting Daughter1 into "the secret" wth instructions to play the game wth D2.
The flaw in my plan was telling MR FD when he came to bed, for first thing in the morning he walks downstairs and announces in his best town cryer voice that anyone in a 5 street radius would have heard the "FD is ill!"
Well in the blink of an eye, my mother and sister, who had stayed overnight, were racng each other up the stairs and at my bedside. Mother started her hand ringing routine "oh it's so unfair" and Sister her "I'll spring clean your bedroom and organise your closet into the colours of the colour spectrum" and both being so utterly annoyng that I gave into the pain and wished for instant death. They left several long hours later...Merry Christmas.
Daughter 2 went for a long walk on Boxing Day and a man was opening his car to put his two bulldogs into the back, when they saw D2 and raced across the street to greet her. The man called the dogs back and they went back to the car, but as he was putting one into the car, the other dog raced back to D2. He called out to her "Pick him up!" D2 is however not comfortable around dogs and so she replied to him" I am not very good with dogs" and so in a panic tiptoed daintly across the street saying "here doggie, doggie" in the hope that the dog would follow her. Luckly it did. D2 is always having weird things interactions with the general public.
Yesterday Mr FD, Son and D2 went to do their duty with Mr FD's parents. Apparently Grandpa was in the toilet a long time and D2 told me later that she was a little concerned that he might have died in there "but as you know, I don't check dead people!" so she went and sat down again! Compasson is a big thing in our family, obviously!
Son arrived home and told me that Uncle Adulterer and Cousin Dropkick, had done us a great favour because Grandpa hates Uncle so much, and has such a low opinion of cousin that "we look like the prodigal family in comparison"
Don't you love Christmas?
Nate has the vid and better pics.
